As we continue talking about the role of women in business and research, this time we spoke to 2 female leaders and mothers. Neha Yadav, Associate Vice President, and Sasha Pitchenko, Market Research Manager, came together to chat about their experience raising children while working.

A few things we cover:

• How Neha and Sasha maintain their work/life balance

• How mothers are perceived in different cultures

• Why working mothers often live with a sense of guilt and how they manage it

• What positive effects motherhood has had on Sasha’s and Neha’s lives

This episode of Dig Perspectives sheds light on some of the realities of being a working mother.

A Few Highlights From the Episode

In our previous conversations, we talked about a sense of guilt that usually comes with motherhood or with parenthood, because your priorities change. Could you tell me about something about that experience of guilt?

That’s a loaded question. I think the guilt stems from a number of things. First, I think just being female, we just experience more guilt overall. I don’t know why, we apologize more or take responsibility for what happens, even if it’s collectively not helpful.

So always I think it’s just giving yourself grace. Like learning to give yourself grace creates learning to understand that we’re all doing the best we can and being kind to yourself. I mean, it sounds like a mantra, and I promise we’re not going to jump into a yoga pose right now for my little speech, but it is a skill to allow yourself to be a little bit more forgiving and not as critical of yourself.

It’s nice to have a bit of self-criticism, but then there is a point where it becomes harmful and not productive. So learning to recognize that is just something internally you have to work for. Maybe in therapy, I don’t know.

Sasha

Yeah, I think Sasha’s right. There’s always an element of guilt and you feel guilty because you’re making those trade offs, right?

You know, there is nothing wrong or right. I, for example, personally joined back work when my daughter was two and a half months old. So that was the point when guilt was at its highest. I was like, “did I not sacrifice my career?” Because, you know, I could not. “Did I sacrifice my time with my kids?” So there’s always this, you know, dilemma that you keep going through. There are pros and cons for both.

I wouldn’t say that, you know, A is right and B is not right and or B is right and vice versa. You know, you have to work through your guilt. Sometimes you feel your guilt will eat on you because “you’re not a good mother. You’re not spending a lot of time with your kid. Your kid needs you” kind of a thing.

But think about the other side as well. When you work, you feel intellectually more engaged. You’re able to support your family financially and both of those elements help you in bringing up, raising your child in a way you want to right there. They’re always pros and cons.

Obviously, the negative is you’re not able to play with your kid or you take him or her to park in the evening when you’re working, for example. But I think more I personally feel that I feel guilty because I want to be perfect at things. That perfectionism is the root cause of all the guilt we have. So we have to tell ourselves, you know, sometimes it is okay not to be perfect. Every time, you know, you have to be second best at what you do. You know, you don’t need to excel in everything and be at your best every moment in life. You have to let go sometimes.

Neha

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